HIMYM Alternate Ending #34: “Mad Men” meetup
"Kids, I was a fan of ‘Mad Men’ because of the architecture; Barney and Robin for the suits, the cigars and the casual sex. We used to gather on Sundays to watch, but for the series finale, we went out to a viewing at a bar. Your mother was dressed as Don Draper, which was weird, but it got me interested in talking with her. Barney likes to say she wears the suit in the family."
HIMYM Alternate Ending #33: Menage a quatre
"Kids, this whole story of meeting your mother is my way of saying I’m sorry you had to see that today. We’ve kept it from you a long time, but you should know: your mother likes to do couple-swapping, and obviously Uncle Barney is up for that. That’s why we’ve had the hot tub all these years. It wasn’t just therapeutic. Well, it was in a way, but anyways…"
HIMYM Alternate Ending #32: Robin kicks Ted Mosby’s ass
"Kids, as you know, many of these stories involve me or Barney breaking up with Robin, and yet I almost never talk about how Robin felt. Well, that caught up to me one day, and she beat me up like I was some hockey player threatening the Vancouver Canucks. Thank goodness your mother had just gotten off her shift as a nurse, and she helped stitch me up at the bar."
HIMYM Alternate Ending #31: Ted Mosby’s DNA and the coat-check girl
"Kids, in the fall of 2013 I thought I was going to be a father. It was the coat-check girl, with her 7-year-old son, Ned. She said I was the father; I said she was careless with receipts, if you know what I mean. Anyways, I had to give a court-ordered DNA sample, and your mother was working at the clinic. Luckily, it was some other guy and his coat, and I immediately asked your mom out. When she got pregnant, we didn’t need a test to tell me I was the dad." (Or did we?)
HIMYM Alternate Ending #30: The last slap
"Kids, Barney had finally gotten down to one slap. We were at MacLaren’s, and Barney made a crack about Lily letting herself go since the kid, and Marshall slapped him so hard that he spun around and accidentally groped your mother. Well, after she threw her drink in his face, we all got together for another drink. And that was that."
HIMYM Alternate Ending #29: Ted Mosby, wheelchair-bound
"Kids, it was 2014, and I was at the construction site of my latest, greatest office building. It was then I saw your mother. Unfortunately, I didn’t see the gap between the beams, and so I fell and was paralyzed from the waist down. Your mother, though, was impressed by my willingness to get hurt for her, and we’ve been together ever since.
HIMYM Alternate Ending #28: How I Met The Sopranos
"Kids, I’m almost there: The night I met your mother. But first, I need to go to the bathroom. I’ve been sitting here for hours telling this story, after all. I’ll be right back. …
Guest HIMYM Alternate Ending #12: Goodbye, mother, welcome back, Robin
Excerpted from Ken Levine’s Dec. 7 blog post on how he thinks “HIMYM” should end:
"Telling you all these stories, and reliving those all those memories – all those great nights just hanging out with my buds, all those women that Uncle Barney slept with, all those women that I slept with – Aunt Robin, y’know she’s still smoking hot – it just occurred to me that those were really the best years of my life. And I gave them up. Why? For what? Now I’m trapped in a house telling bedtime stories instead of living them. And I love your mother, but don’t you think it’s kind of weird that practically all of my stories were about other women? So, I guess what I’m saying is… I’m leaving your mother. I’m too young to just give up and settle down. Aunt Robin just got out of an abusive relationship. I’m going for it, kids!"
HIMYM Alternate Ending #27: Ted Mosby finds Jesus
"Kids, all the boozing and women (and the drugs I didn’t even tell you about), I had hit rock bottom. Then, a kind woman took me to church, and I married her, for it came to me in a dream. So despite how awesome these stories sounded, if you do any of these things, your soul cannot be saved."
HIMYM Alternate Ending #26: Ted Mosby’s animated TV series
"Kids, my life is being made into a television show, except it’s going to be animated and take over from "The Simpsons" after its 40-year-run. So I needed to tell you about all these sex stories (and a little about meeting your mom) before the show starts production."
[cuts to animated boring scene of Ted meeting the mother]